Day 2 to Increasing your Likeability

Did I say those 7 Days would be in a row??? Real life steps in and, though I LOVE blogging, you don't always get done what you want. Moving right along.

Day 1: Noticing. Did you do this?

Day 2: Ask Questions and Listen to the Answers

I heard a tragic, but common, story on This American Life (20 Acts in 60 Minutes). It was about a guy in a common cube farm corporate setting who sat outside in the open by the printer and had for the last two years. Because it was a high traffic area, he interacted with people all day long. This American Life asked his co-workers, some of whom he saw FIFTY times per day for months on end, what this fellow's name was and/or what he did for the company. Then they played back their responses for him. No one knew who he was. Some didn't even know there was a person sitting there, though they approached this printer daily.

NO ONE KNEW WHO HE WAS

This segment broke my heart, and Matt's too. (I will never forget his name). He assumed people knew him or what he did. Some thought his name was Matt, no one had a clue what he did. Why?

THEY NEVER ASKED

How does Mike feel about his co-workers today? How do the co-workers feel about themselves?

There is fear in admitting we don't know someone like Matt. We don't want to acknowledge to him, our ourselves, that we were so self-involved that we didn't reach out.

BEING LIKEABLE INVOLVES DISTINGUISHING FEAR

Had one person said "Hey, I hate to admit this but it occurred to me that I'm not sure of your name and what you do here. I'm so sorry! I want to know." This tiny confession, small in the scheme of life, is all it would have taken to heal Matt and form a bond that could have been a lifelong friendship. You never know if you don't ask.

Dale Carnegie's How to Win Friends and Influence People is still, IMO, one of the best books about growing relationships. It changed my life-at 12. Dale recommended that you notice one unique thing about every person you see: their tie, their briefcase, that new haircut-and compliment them. Or just a simple "You always seem so nice".

So, if possible, find someone you only know a little, compliment them on something (I told my med tech yesterday who drew blood "you do great work!" because I was thrilled she didn't hurt me!) and then ask them something about who they are. Look them in the eye. Again, this is about AUTHENTIC HUMAN CONTACT. Not "networking".